Doorman Diaries

A royal waste of time

So, I was just wondering.
Could any of you give a dook less about the royal wedding of a prince and another pretty girl who has been duped into thinking that blending her DNA with these particular British inbreds is a good idea?
The fact that a monarchy still has a place in our “civilized” society seems a bit out of place. Questionable breeding and folks with jangled teeth usually end up in a traveling big top extravaganza at some point. In the You Ess of A, they are called “circus folk.”
Apparently in England, they’re called “royalty.”
Let’s recap: Prince Willie has done what, exactly, to ascend to the position he was born into? Oh, that’s right — nothing. He’s a shiftless layabout, who was fortunate enough to be born into a family that prefers to keep their relatives close and their family even closer. Really close.
Modern genetics tells us that this line of thought is just … gross. That much inbreeding can only produce goblins, goons and a heap of worthless blight on humanity.
Which would explain why the royal family must be on such a fervent hunt for women that their gargoyle DNA won’t muck up for future reptilian generations. I have a feeling that Lady Diana must have been one of the first experiments in non-cousin-coitus.
Unfortunately, Diana Spencer also came from a long line of icky intermingling. So, I can’t with good conscience actually say that Prince Willie or his ginger brother have yet to wash off their gene pool stink yet.
Which brings us back to Kate Middleton. Wait, what? Miss Middleton’s parents were flight attendants? That can’t be right. Hold on, Wikipedia session. I’ll be right back.
OK. So apparently Kate has zero royal plasma running through her veins and is a terrorist sleeper, planted by her parents and the Muslim Brotherhood. You can’t see it? Ugh, you people are so blind to the truth. Sheeple.
Her parents were “flight attendants” stationed in Amman, Jordan, where little Katie went to an English nursery school. She is very obviously a Muslim Brotherhood plant who hates our freedom and is on a mission to disrupt the Anglo-Saxon way of life. It’s a schemingly obvious pursuit toward the destruction of Israel as a … uh … wait. Did Glenn Beck just slam his blackboard on my skull?
I just remembered. All of this is boring and I don’t care in the slightest. Prince Billy can take whatever bride he likes and walk her through all the vacuously pompous rites that he and his rotting family tree would like but it doesn’t make their lives any more important than ours.
It’s dumb. Admit it. Kings, queens, princes, princesses? It only really works in fairy tales and video games. Otherwise, it just sounds like a shiny, big-toothed dictatorship, subsidizing a way of life for people who neither deserve nor appreciate what they’ve been born into.
So, let’s make a collective middle-finger endorsement to Bill and Kate.
Best of luck … smooshbags.