Doorman Diaries

Obama hasn’t convinced me yet

I was going to write something pithy and topical about Barack Obama ascending his golden chariot to his place in political and world history. Alas, I’m lazy and didn’t want to actually do any research.
While everyone else is going nuts and applauding like a bunch of mental patients who found a bag of Skittles, I tend to lean away from popular opinion like it’s a befouled diaper and look at things from a more realistic skew. This is also known as being negative and condescending.
First things first, I’m sure he’ll have to change the White House doorbell from “One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer” to something a little less offensive — like Barry Manilow or Celine Dion. Actually, from what I could glean off Google searches, Obama has Frank Sinatra, the Rolling Stones and Kanye West on his playlist. Not too shabby, except for Kanye West. He’s a delusional jerk.
The incoming tenant of the big honky house is going to be forced to walk around each of the 35 bathrooms and throw away GW’s copies of Maxim magazine, and I’m sure the daft cowboy will be very sullen when his subscription to US Weekly is canceled. Fortunately, I hear that Obama will continue in W’s consistent use of Ann Coulter’s books as toilet paper. At least those trees didn’t die in vain.
And since I brought up vanity, even though Rush Limbaugh is begging and hoping for Obama to fail, he’s secretly ecstatic because our new president single-handedly rejuvenated his stagnant, boorish, OxyContin snorting life. Obama has given Limbaugh something to direct his simple-minded, vitriolic little diatribes at while drooling on himself during his radio show.
Now that I think of it, it’s no wonder all those bumbling Republican talking heads like Hannity, Glenn Beck and Michael Reagan have radio shows. Their audience members are quickly shuffling into their 70s and like to reminisce about sitting next to the radio when they were kids.
Same goes for Alan Colmes, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann and the rest of the left-leaning loons. To me, they’re just another seeping crew of vapid, smarmy media blowhards who really only care about their ratings and seeing their faces on the boob tube fighting the great evil known at the conservative right.
For the most part, yes, we’re all happy that our nation is finally pulling it’s old white head out of its collective ass, but until I see actual tangible proof that we’re heading in a different direction, I’ll still deride those who think they can show us how to live our lives better.
Because at its core, that’s what politics is: people with money and power telling you what you can or can’t do because they think it’s best.
Here’s to hoping Barack Obama lives up to the hype and actually does something positive for the people of this country, instead of lining the pockets of his smooshbag friends like our dimwitted and incompetent 43rd president did.
Here’s to high hopes and good riddance.