I just hate it when this happens. I turned around and discovered I am out of the loop.

Well, I am probably out of any number of loops, but the one I am chafing about specifically is text messaging. I don’t. I never have. It makes my fingers kind of hurt to think about it.

And besides all that, I really like to talk using complete words.

However, I now concede that my children have learned another entire language that I don’t readily understand. It appears that everyone under 30 is rattling off symbol pictures and acronyms without batting an eye ; - ) and before long they may stop speaking altogether. It’s SNF (so not fair).

I became painfully aware of how far behind the curve I am as I looked through a high school senior’s yearbook.

About every third page, I had to ask her what this or that meant. It was filled with obscure references to opposable thumbs (like you use while texting) and combined figures like < 3 which makes, to the practiced eye, a heart, as in “I <3 U.” Clever, really. But before I got past the freshman class section, I felt like I was deciphering the Dead Sea Scrolls.

I have learned, in crises like these, to go directly to the front of all knowledge, the Internet.

What I found there was both enlightening and a little frightening.

Did you know that it is technically called SMS or Short Message Service? How about the fact that it is wildly popular all over the world, even more than in the U.S.? I learned that in 2003, a Malaysian court ruled that, under Sharia law, a man may divorce his wife via text messaging as long as the message was clear and unequivocal. GR8.

And best of all, Ang Chuang Yang of Singapore made the Guinness Book of World records by texting “The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human.” in 41.52 seconds. I double-dog dare you to give that a try.

Surely those gems of wisdom put me near the loop again. I suppose I will have to pay more for text message service and punish my arthritic thumbs to truly be back on the cutting edge. Or maybe INTCO (I need to chill out). I suspect my KDZ would say it’s really NBD since I’m o-l-d .

I suppose I will have to HITAKS (hang in there and keep smiling) until I figure out what it all means, OMHEX (or my head explodes), whichever comes 1ST.

BB4N.