With Cinco de Mayo just around the corner, I thought nothing really commemorates an important victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguin during the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, like drinking to excess and vomiting cheap tequila.

As a country, I’d have to say we really corner the market on turning significant historical events in other countries into an excuse to pickle our livers. We have the innate ability to take the most obvious and mundane of cultural attachments and turn them into a drinking holiday.

I have a sneaking suspicion that if we knew how to transform the Chinese New Year into an American holiday without having to run around dressed as long paper dragons, we would. But for some reason, I have a feeling fireworks, booze and paper costumes might be cause for alarm.

I’d also venture a bet to say that around 90 percent of those wearing green-sequined sombreros and urinating into Corona bottles couldn’t even tell me why Cinco de Drinko is celebrated.

The hilarious part is that even though most liquor companies spend half their advertising budget so that college co-eds can drink themselves into bueno bliss, Mexico hardly bats an eye at the event. It’s not a national holiday and is akin to one of our holidays we don’t care enough about to get drunk for — or have the following day off to recuperate from.

With America’s ability to turn any event into a boozy vacation, I think it would be an apt return if other countries started doing the same for us. They can take only the most cursory understanding and scholarly skimming of what an observance means, and then bastardize it as a means to self-pollute.

You know, kind of how we punish our livers on St Patrick’s Day, Oktoberfest, and the fifth of May. Maybe they can buy a few cases of Coor’s Light, clutching a hotdog in one hand and a Marlboro Light in the other, and run around with wicked farmer tan burns in the shape of a tank top on July 4.

Or wear wooden dentures and drink chopped cherry wine margaritas while downing shots of Log Cabin syrup with Jack Daniel’s every time they hear the word “emancipation” for President’s Day.

Perhaps on June 14 for Flag Day, they can ... Flag Day? What’s Flag Day? I am indeed a poor American.

In true ironic fashion, they can take Labor Day off and get drunk on the couch watching “The Price is Right” reruns. Because nothing says inspired workers and strenuous labor like not working.

So when you’re sucking down shots of that putrid swill known as Cuervo, and gulping that last lime with your Pacifico, try to remember that we’re celebrating an occurrence that is very important to someone else in another country, and it’s not just an excuse to drink lemon-lime Alka-Seltzer to squelch the mariachi band hangover screeching in your head.

Have fun and be safe, mis amigos ...