Jay Paris: No matter how you slice it, signing Rivers tops turbulent offseason

What, you expected Papa John’s?

“We stopped by Domino’s on the way home,” Philip Rivers said.

It’s never too tardy to give the Chargers an atta-boy for during something right.

One knows it’s been a rare event this offseason.

With the Chargers flirting with Carson, joining hands with the Raiders, and giving their fans every reason not to embrace them, they took care of Rivers.

The Chargers’ smarty-pants were sharp in awarding Rivers with the richest contract in franchise history.

And yep, $65 million of guaranteed lettuce can buy a lot of dough.

So with Rivers being Rivers — his accurate passing is only matched by his humility — he snagged a pizza pie to toast his sweet deal.

Just not at Papa John’s, considering its spokesman is Peyton Manning of the Broncos.

But we’re a mile high in agreement with the Chargers and it’s been age since this keyboard produced that sentiment. Instead of letting Rivers twist in the wind with his future, they made sure he put ink to paper.

“It was the right timing for all involved,’’ Rivers said.

Rivers hinted he didn’t want negotiations to leak into what could be the team’s last season in San Diego. The Chargers could have retained his services the following two years with the franchise tag, but that’s not a salary cap friendly.

The Chargers, instead, made Rivers an even richer man with a four-year extension that resides in the neighborhood of $83.25 million.

That’s a nice neighborhood, you bet.

But Rivers isn’t about money and a look at his lifestyle proves it.

You’ll find Rivers behind the wheel of his Ford pickup rather than a Porsche.

His blue jeans is what he might considered “dress-up” clothes.

And if his shirt is graced with a Piggy Wiggly logo — a super market chain in his beloved South — than a three-button Polo, you’re getting the drift.

Although with that kind of coin, Rivers has to spurge some time, right? For that, we re-visit his Domino’s order.

“Got three toppings,’’ he said, and well, there goes the nest egg. “Pepperoni, anchovies and black olives.’’

Nothing is black-and-white with the Chargers, as their wandering eye zeros in on a Los Angeles suburb known for its landfill and freeway fill.

Rivers, like everyone else, doesn’t know where the Chargers will bolt down their shingle. But he’s certain he’ll be under center through 2019 and that’s 20/20 vision for a franchise, which often has a clouded view of things.

“There’s nothing I can do about it,’’ he said, “They’ll tell us at some point when there’s news that’s concrete. Other than that, all I know is that we’re going to play 2015 in San Diego and our home games at Qualcomm and we’re fired up about making it a special year.’’

Special has been in short supply lately during Rivers’ stay and that’s a crime.

An elite quarterback of Rivers’ ilk deserves better. Shame on the Chargers’ front offices for not surrounding him with complementary parts.

Missing the playoffs four of the past five years with a quarterback like Rivers?

In jargon Rivers would appreciate: “Dadgumit!”

Golly day, let’s hope this season brings more than a lame duck.

Let’s hope the Chargers can find a running game — hello, Melvin Gordon!

Let’s hope the Chargers locate a pass rush — you there, Melvin Ingram?

Let’s hope the season ends in such a manner that, well, it deserves a big ol’ pizza party.

Tell Rivers we’ll even pop for the first slice.

And in a nod to Rivers’ preference, we guarantee it’ll be there in 30 minutes or less.

Contact Jay Paris at jparis8@aol.com. Follow him on Twitter at jparis_sports.

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